Flying is not what it used to be
I recently flew to Portland, Ore., for a Speakers Training Camp. It was held at Skamania Lodge in the Columbia River gorge. I had been there before years ago and the beauty of the area is as breathtaking as ever. I was doubly blessed because I could see the peaks of both Mount St. Helens and Mount Hood with no cloud cover, which is a rarity. Both mountains are impressive. It reminded me of the time in Kenya when I was lucky enough to see the peak of Mount Kilimanjaro with no cloud cover, which is also very rare.
I hadn't travelled by plane since 2001 except for one short hop from Philadelphia to Bangor last fall. Travelling today is not what it used to be. I arrived at the Boston airport with only carry-on baggage - my computer and a small suitcase. It was about 11:30 a.m. on a Tuesday and the airport was almost empty. That was spooky but great; as I knew I would quickly get through security and find a nice bar for a calming glass of wine before my 1 p.m. flight.
I did clear security quickly so I repacked and trudged down the long hallway until I found my gate, which was two full terminals away from the closest bar. Having plenty of time and a keen determination, I reversed my course and found a wonderful restaurant/bar which was closed until noon. I sat down and waited until the appointed hour. After a lovely glass of warm white wine (yuck!), I decided I had best get back to my gate. When I did, the place was swarming with passengers. It became apparent that everyone brings carry-on luggage. I suppose everyone is tired of losing their checked luggage. But instead of putting their small suitcase in their row, my fellow travellers put it wherever they felt like, so the last passengers to board were left scrambling to find a spot. I found that to be rude and disrespectful.
I also noticed on my four flights a vast amount of food and drinks carried onto the plane. As you know, you aren't served much of anything these days and really nothing for free. But the interior resembled a Tim Hortons drive-thru. Cardboard cup holders and bags of smelly sandwiches paraded down the narrow aisle held high about the seated passengers, just waiting for disaster, which thankfully never happened. I find it offensive to bring odorous food into such confined spaces with no regard for your fellow passengers who are crammed in like sardines.
One highlight of my trip was having lunch at Jake's in Portland with my old boarding school roommate whom I hadn't seen in 40 years. Jake's is one of the top seafood restaurants in the U.S., so that was a bonus. Then I was met by a car to whisk me out to the lodge. It turned out the driver was a retired Delta Force pilot as well as a test driver for Ford, so the car he was driving was a 6,000-pound tank which hurled down the gorge at lightening speed. I loved it, of course.
On my return flight, which left at 6:30 a.m., the security clearance officer seemed to take delight in forcing me to discard my half used tube of toothpaste (which had cleared three days earlier). Then I met a new swarm of humanity which included at least six children requiring what looked like an entire children's section of a Wal-Mart of pushcarts and car seats. I must admit I felt very sorry for the poor mothers having to wrestle with it all. Returning to the East Coast with a head cold and a sore throat, thanks to their spewed germs gently recycled by the airplane, quickly dampened my sorrow however.
On balance, the trip was a success thanks to the excellent two-day workshop, but I will remember the next time I need to take flight to seriously consider driving.
Jay Remer is certified by the Protocol School of Washington as a consultant for corporate etiquette and international protocol. He lives in St. Andrews. E-mail your etiquette questions to jay@etiquetteguy.com and visit his website at www.etiquetteguy.com.
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